According to our video presentation this week micro-agressions are "brief, everyday indignities that may be verbal, behavioral or environmental, are communicated intentionally or unintentionally and contain an insulting message toward any marginalized group" (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011). When I think about myself as the target of micro-agressions, I have a hard time coming up with them, because I don't really put too much weight in what people say, and I usually forget about it.
The only time I really worry about it is when it involves my children.
My family is a multi racial family.
In the United States today, it is a fairly common thing to see, whether it is children of mixed race parentage living with their biological parent(s) or adopted/foster children living with parents of a different race. Seeing these types of families should not really be that shocking. But unbelievably, we do get comments from time to time. Most are positive, but some not so much.
Some of the more negative/micro-aggressive comments (and their hidden meanings) we have gotten are as follows:
"Do they speak Chinese?" (They are Taiwanese, so they must speak Chinese and not the perfect English of their American culture)
"Where are they from?" (They are Asian, so they aren't really Americans)
"Are they related?" (Adoption does not create "real" relationships)
"They are so lucky!" (They were rescued from a dire situation by rich, white westerners)
"How much did they cost?" (They were bought and paid for like goods).
Probably the worst: "Are you going to have kids of your own?" (These are not your real children).
Probably the worst: "Are you going to have kids of your own?" (These are not your real children).
I think that the many of these comments speak to the ignorance people still have when it comes to not only Asians immigrants, but adoption and what makes a family. I think the worst thing about these comments is that as my children grow up, they will begin to understand their hidden meanings, where as before I could shelter them from it. I do not yet know how they will take these comments, but I am trying to impart to them that people do and say things sometimes that are not OK, but we don't let it bother us and we should try to move on. I do not want them to ever question the love their family, both adopted and biological, have for them, who they are, or that they were and are wanted, and most of all, that their mom and dad are really the lucky ones.
References:
Laureate Education (Producer). (2011). Microaggressions in everyday life [Video file]. Retrieved from https://class.waldenu.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_4855814_1%26url%3D
Wow, this is a great post BethAnn. I can only imagine how difficult it may be at times to face such comments from people who are ignorant to the notion of adoption and mixed culture. I hope this class provides you with a rich concept of how to face the world on a daily basis, as you prepare your children for the realities that they may face as they grow up.
ReplyDeleteBethAnn, what a beautiful family you have! I agree that ignorance is all around us with people asking such questions, especially the how much did they cost question. Unfortunately, when your children get older, they will be fielding these questions and even though you want to protect them from this ugliness, someone will end up with hurt feelings. I believe that you and your husband will prepare your children for any microaggressions to come their way with love, patience, and knowledge. Thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteJill
BethAnn,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story! We have done the adoption process twice, the first time failed and the second time was a success. You are so right about the questions and comments that are made. When completing our home-study the women asked us how we thought our neighbors and family would respond to him. I never imagined the microaggressions that would come with such a blessing. I wish she would have warned us, because sometime it catches me off guard. Thanks for sharing!
Kristen
Bethann this was a very interesting post. You had a lot of interesting things to say about your family. Micro aggressions can be very harmful to an individual. You never know how someone feels about their race or culture. I see that your family is a multi-racial family and I know it can be hard at times because of all of the stereotypes. Did you know anything about micro aggressions before taking this course? I have had some micro aggressions used towards me such as your people are loud or ghetto.
ReplyDelete